My house is made of brick and wood. It protects me from the harms of the world and warms me on a cold winters night.
Last night’s episode of House got me thinking. What if the whole world were like House? What if we were all a bunch of pill popping, cantankerous crotchety old doctors? Imagine the place the world would be.
- Nobody would be sick or, at least, mis-diagnosed.
- The word “grouch” would lose its meaning really. We’d all be one. Redundantly useless drivel but then, you’d say that about everything because, well, you’d be, like House, a “grouch.”
- Vicodin, vitamin, they all sound the same to me!
- We’d all sleep with our bosses, work with our ex-wives, bang our assistants but still not “get enough.”
- Valentine’s Day would see us replace red roses with black ones. Better to match our cold, small, black hearts, right?
- A Gentleman’s “third leg” would be, well, his cane.
- We’d all have clusters of boot licking lackey bitches to slap around silly when we’re not busy sleeping with them (see above.)
Wouldn’t that be a great place? A magical place? A happy place? A place where grouchy black-hearted folk roam free in pastures of malcontent.
It would make me happier than a field of unicorns, that’s for sure. (Not to mention the fact that I wouldn’t have to worry about stepping in any of that pesky unicorn poo you find in pastures where they roam.)
Oh yeah, and, while I’m at it, don’t let me be the last one to tell you not to eat any spinach. Man, that stuff’ll kill ya. Go have a burger quick, before it’s too late and they make heath food healthy again.
Until next Bah Humbug…