A Watched Window Never Gets Curtained

GDPurpleWindowNo1, originally uploaded by carolWorldLeader.

Since I have my upcoming trip to Italy, and I can’t use my cell phone in points afar, I decided that it would be a wise move to get a wristwatch.

I’m not a big fan of watches, rather, I’m one of those folks who prefers to be more “free” with my time and my wrist but, since I’ll be attending workshops at The Venice School of Photography, and since these nice folks are probably going to want to do things like meet at expected times and locations, I thought it best, for this trip anyway, to go out and get a watch. ( I mean, you just know I’m going to get lost, least I could do is be on time about it, right?)

I spoke with Kathy about this a few weeks ago (before she left for her trip) and she said to me, “you know that you’re going to have to get a timepiece, right?”

I guess I knew all along, but didn’t really want to face that fact until today. On my previous trips (to New Orleans and points in Texas) I always just used my cell phone and asked other folks what time it was. Always seemed to work, and I didn’t get those odd marks on my arm, from the leather of the band chafing up against my skin. Not to mention the intellectual freedom it granted me, even if only in spirit.

Now, alas, I’ve grudgingly gotten a timepiece. It’s a brown leather banded Relic watch that’s got kind of a squarish dial and an almost pink face. At least, it looked pretty pink in the store, since I’ve exited and started wearing the timepiece outdoors, I’ve noticed that it’s less so (it’s more like boring beige but, hey, it’s a watch, right? Who cares really? I mean, if I have to be boring, I might as well be beige too, right?)

It’s a watch none the less, and I’m wearing it now. I can sit here and type to you knowing in full glory that it is, in fact, 3:15 (or so, I have it set 5 minutes fast, since I’m always late) Central Standard Time.

And, speaking of time, I will “suffer” from an 8 hour layover in New York’s JFK airport on November 17th. I started thinking about things I could do while I’m there and came up with a list:

• Wait for funny lines to develop on my wrist from the new timepiece and count them as the watch ticks on. Count the number of times the face turns pink.
• Rock out to the podling until the battery dies a most horrible death and I’m left with only the sounds of silence and weird looking earbud headphones sticking out from my unkempt hair (that would be near the place where my ears should crop up, which, you would be able to see had my hair not been so unkempt.)
• Repeatedly check and claim my baggage, citing “mars” as my final destination point.
• Karaoke, anyone?
• Pretend I’m Bono from U2 and drive around on the luggage claim carts through the baggage area, stopping only to eat an Asian pear while riding a baggage carousel in circles, all the time waving my hands in a manner making me look God-like (well, ok, maybe “Bono-like” would be more appropriate.)
• Count how many people speak foreign languages. Approach random foreigners and ask, “HEY! Are YOU ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROCKS?!?!?! I’m like supposed to meet you here.” Later, pretend I do not know who that is.
• Shop for duty free items and then demand duty, but only in a separate bag and “on the side” like they do with salad dressings.
• Change my seat from window to aisle to window to aisle and then finally ask for “middle” just to be different.
• Clear customs 47 times. Validate how long it takes the Department of Homeland Security to blow up my luggage. (I’m guessing “3” but that’s really just a hunch. I suppose I could use the “golden” opportunity to validate this guess.)
• Seek out any hiding TiVo’s attached to any airport TV’s and attempt to “unboop” CNN or the Weather Channel. See if they have any Nick Cage movies hiding in their bowels and, just for fun, if they do (HA!) “unboop” those too. Follow this by “thumbing up” Court TV 400 times. Monitor the TV guide channel carefully, eagerly awaiting any “Manson Family” reunion re-runs and thumb-up any of those for good measure. “Thumb up” an additional Nathan Lane movie just for fun.
• Approach the gift/magazine stand and ask to by a pack of chewing gum one stick at a time. Pay only in pennies and make the clerk count my change twice.

  And finally:

• Keel over in one of those “window benches” taking up an entire aisle and refusing to move for the entire eight hour stretch.

Until next layover…