Today, on the way to work, I got stuck in traffic for about an hour. It was really frustrating, to say the least, being stuck like that. I ended up making a U turn in the middle of 183 and taking Palmer Lane the rest of the way into work. I don’t know what was causing the traffic but, for the amount of delay, there had better have been a huge pile-up at the front of all of that. I’m talking, I want to see some real blood here, not the usual rube morons, answering to Tex-DOT, who decide to dig in the middle of the day without telling anybody (they like move freaking major highways on a moment’s notice around here. Simply because “Bubba likes it over there instead.” Grrrr.)
To continue my rant, I get into work, and start reading email about all the computer virus crap that’s been going around the internet. Do you remember that kid, the one they caught last year, who was responsible for netsky or one of those viruses? I started to rant about a suitable punishment for him to somebody in the break room at work. My co-worker suggested, “this sounds like a rant for your blog” and now, well, you get to read all about my Grrr’s for the day.
OK, so today’ entry has a poll for you. What do you think is a suitable punishment for a hacker, one who’s responsible for virus assults on computers the world over?
Here are my suggestions:
* Cut off his fingers-that way he can’t type anymore.
* Force him to watch Pauley Shore re-runs on TV while composing hand written apologies to ALL of the people impacted by his virus. Note that, for this exercise, he would have to use the “world’s oldest pointing device:” a pencil. And he wouldn’t get one of those fancy, newfangled sharpeners either (you know, the ones with the crank on the side? Like you used to have in school?) No, no, he’d get one of those little ones you have to “twirl” by hand and he’d be forced to sit in all the shavings (or maybe, like, do something constructive with them as well-like build a house for the homeless or something.)
* Nothing shy of the death penalty would do.
* He’d have to refinance his house, enlarge his penis, grow hair overnight, lose 10 pounds, and help out some guy in Tajickastan who’s father’s cousin’s wife has just inherited a sum not less than $1,000,000.00 but who, somehow, can’t manage to work an ATM card long enough to get the actual money, so he’s asking for $50,000.00 and a new Ford Focus until, of course, his inheritance kicks in.
Oh, and, it goes without saying, he’d have to stick a pin in a voodoo doll (like this one) while standing on one foot, reciting the pledge of allegiance backwards and sending a blessing to all the people he ended up cursing with his annoying, pesky, juvenille little virus (just because.)
Until next rant…