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Big Trouble (with frogs) in Old Cabana

So I’ve been talking with a few folks recently, fantasizing that I would like to have my very own cabana boy for various reasons (most of which you could guess) and the talks turned to the usual “where would you go?” and “what kind of drinks would you have?” Interestingly enough, I seem to have this strange approach-avoidance “thing” happening with my cabana boy.

On the approach side, I’d love to have my very own cabana boy to go off and do cabana boy-like things with. I could easily picture myself sitting on a beach someplace, with a cool half-empty drink by my side, snapping my fingers to motivate a tall, blonde, handsome young thing into bringing me fresh drinks. Imagine the coastline, as it gently curves along the enlivened row of palms that line the shore. Imagine the almshores, gently creeping up onto the beach. Imagine the wet sand, the sun, the surf, the gentle island breezes, the lulling sound of distant thunder to cool my tropical nights. Maybe even the sound of raindrops dancing onto a thatched roofed hut, while I recline alive only in the splendor of a magnificant back rub. I’m so there, OK?

Trouble is, I wouldn’t know what to do with a cabana boy if I had one. Sure it’d be great to have access to such a fantasy and I’m sure it’d be fun to live it , even if only for a few moments. But the problem is, when reality hits, I’m kind of like the guy in the talking frog joke. You know the one…

So this computer geek is walking along the beach and he hears a voice say, “Pppst. Over here. Hey you!” He looks about only to find a frog. He continues down the beach, thinking, “ah, it must have been the wind,” when the frog again says, “Psst. Over here. It’s the frog.”

The geek says, “A talking frog!” to which the frog replies, “yeah, and that’s not all. If you pick me up and kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” The geek picks the frog up and puts him into his pocket, continuing down the beach. After a short walk the frog croaks, “Hey! I said, ‘if you pick me up and kiss me I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

The geek says, “I heard you the first time.”

The frog replies, “Dude. If you pick me up and kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and have hot, steamy sex with you all night long. You don’t understand. Get me out of your pocket!”

To which the computer geek replies, “I’m a computer geek. I don’t have time for sex, but a talking frog is way cool!”

Unfortunately, I feel the same way about a cabana boy. The problem with geeks is that they really can’t mate. It uses up too much energy and, on the whole, they’d rather be playing video games, working on open source code, designing new web sites, or some such thing. While I don’t admit to be a geek, I guess it’s safe to say I have “geek-like tendencies.” And, I do really think a talking frog would be “way cool” (but not as cool as a 20 hour marathon of Sim City with a lot of money in the bank and a pre-built subway.)

Until next time, this is Carol, the Carol in “Carol’s Little World” signing off.

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