I’ve recently discovered this great new reality TV program called “the news.” Yes, it’s true, I’ve been watching the news a bit recently again and, I have to say, the idiots have outdone themselves since the last time I tuned in.
It’s raining in Austin today. I know that, not because of my newly found love of all things news-related, no, I know that because I looked out the window. The news, in its infinite wisdom, saw fit to tell me that there is a “100% chance of rain today.” Gee? You really think it’s going to rain, eh? Must have a window too. The trick is, it’s not only going to rain but they are now calling for hurricane force winds, hail, and even a possible tornado. Oh joy!
In other events happening on “the news” Austin is currently hosting a convention! Yes, it’s true. The American Meteorologist Council (or some such thing-abbreviated AMC) is having their annual convention in Austin today.
Now, putting these two events together, one has to wonder what’s really going on here. I mean, let’s just examine the facts for a minute now, shall we?
For starters, there is a convention of “about 2000” meteorologists being held in Austin today, the very same day the same weathermen, the same weathermen who are supposed to predict these things, are calling for tornadoes, hail, horrible, rain, etc. I mean, who could have seen that coming? What, like they couldn’t predict this? Just how many weathermen does it take to predict a tornado in Texas? (Hint: next time, use something called “a window!”)
If that were not enough, to add insult to this injury, they are calling for no less than a “100% chance of rain.” Yes, you read that right. Why not just tell me flat out, “Look! We have 2000 weatherman in town and they all say it’s going to rain tomorrow, Bring an umbrella with you to work, ok?” No, now that would be too easy. And, what, are they not like dentists? Is there not like a “four out of five meteorologists agree…” aspect to this? That does it! I’m demanding to know, where have they hidden their “lone weatherman” and why is he not reporting that, somewhere today, in Austin there might actually be a cloud, a ray of sunshine, or anything other than rain? Is he or she, perhaps, hiding out on a grassy knoll up in Dallas and, perchance, refusing to make the drive down to Austin? (Conspiracy theory much?)
Finally, what’s with this “100% chance of rain” anyway? These people always do things in 20% and 30% increments. Did you round up enough of them and beat them all with a stick until they began to agree? Why is in not like a “99.999% chance or rain” instead just to, you know, just to save some face in case the sun decides to make an appearance? A 100% chance? Really? Going out on a limb here now, I see.
I’d have to say that, after watching this oh-so-lovely new reality TV show called “the news” that I’m switching channels. There’s no Kardashian on it. There’s nothing called a “Snooki” and it’s nothing more than a bunch of idiots waxing poetic over clouds already. Sorry, you AMC folks, I have better things to do with my time. (Oh, and by the way, in “Twitter speak” your prediction for today’s weather ranks in with a whopping: #EPIC FAIL mmmm’k, Dudes.)
Until next cloudy with a chance of meatballs…
