This is my Photo Friday entry for “weathered.” I’d have to say it’s seen a few hard times (and none too many buckets of paint from the looks of things.) I really don’t know why they sell such weathered architectural accessories in Santa Fe, I mean, who knew there was such a market for front doors that look so “rode hard and put away wet” yet welcoming all in the same plank of wood? I sure didn’t.
Speaking of “rode hard and put away wet” (well, maybe with emphasis on the last “wet” part) tonight marks a very special premiere in television history. No, no it’s not Top Gear or Doctor Who-related, and there is no David Tennant involved (at least not as far as I know.) It’s something that can only rival Attack of the Killer Tomatoes as the worst movie possibly made. Yes, snowflakes, tonight marks the world television premiere of Sharks in Venice. Oh the humanity! Oh the horror! I can hardly wait to witness firsthand this cinematic masterpiece in all its splendor and glory. It promises to be possibly the absolute worst movie ever made, and I can hardly wait. I’m going to get myself some popcorn, pop back a tall cool one, and enjoy the feast of bad taste, this bastion of bad cinema, this theatrical nightmare that once dreamed of making it to first run, yes, yes, I’m going to sit back, relax, and enjoy this horror of a horror feast for my eyes.
It even stars Stephen Baldwin, a very bad actor in his own right, and member of the notoriously bad Baldwin brothers (a family where bad taste abounds!) Oh, this is going to be so good, it promises to make Planet of the Apes look like the cinematic masterpiece it really is. It rivals Cheech and Chong for plot development. It promises to…well, by now, you get the idea.
What I want to know, what I really want to know now is just where have those Mystery Science Theater 3000 “talking head” androids run off to now that we really need them? Will somebody please explain to me how they left us out in the cold like this? What, with the possibly worst B-movie ever made about to queue up, they’ve gone and left us high and dry without any commentary. Cosmo Kramer is sure to hear about this and hatch some wild conspiracy theory, let me tell you, snowflakes. Oh, we have not heard the last of this little omission, let me tell you.
As far as “Sharks in Venice,” well, let’s up it’s as, um, er, “good” as it sounds now, right?
Until next time…