How To Score

RainbowMaskNo1, originally uploaded by carolWorldLeader.

So, I’ve been addicted to Utata and flickr the past few weeks, and it’s been kind of fun, working on some photography-related projects while getting together my Polaroids for exhibition.

But, more recently, I happened upon a few flickr groups that are, well, let’s just say, “less than friendly.” (Groups like: Delete Me, Delete Me Uncensored, and Score Me!) Most of these groups are groups that require the users to participate-groups requiring members to leave comments. Many of these groups are filled with snarky people who have nothing better to do than to leave snarky comments on other people’s mediocre sunset photos. (They make Simon Cowell look like a pussycat, but, much like Simon himself, can be quite funny, really.)

As you can imagine, not everybody likes to leave positive comments, and some comments get, not only quite negative, but more than a bit funny. (I’d call them, “knee slapping, elbow banging, spleen busting funny” if I were pressed, really.)

Some of the comments are so funny, they’ve actually inspired me to want to create some bad photography (really, really bad photography.) Photography that’s so bad, that, after leaving it in the group pool, it would inspire these jesters to break out the hysterics and “let ’em rip” (so to speak.) Let’s just say that, for now anyway, I’m on a mission to get some (of my own) outlandish comments. And, of course, the lowest score ever recorded in the history of flickr (which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Believe me, there are some bad photographers out there.)

Here’s a sampling:

  • “Not even lack of focus and branches in the foreground make this sunset interesting. Try nudity.” And, it’s follow up, “Boobs make everything interesting.”
  • “A woman smokes, a little girl has mice ears, a passerby an awful cap, and we have a snapshot.”
  • “Clean your lens (well, at least it was constructive.)”
  • “If you puked in a bag, took a picture of that bag, puked on that picture, and then took a picture of it, it would still look better than this one.”
  • Left as a comment on a picture of a guy making a funny face/starting to yawn, “Looks like he’s mid-yawn. Either that or he just saw the neighbor guy nude.”
  • “A digital camera has a certain amount of shots before it breaks down. You wasted one of those here.”
  • Left on a picture of a shoe in a puddle, “Did this shoe just fart in the bathtub?”
  • “Had the Sphinx posed this enigma, the Tombs of the Pharoahs would never had been looted.”
  • Posted to a picture of an odd Star Wars figurine with legs crossed, “Seriously, Luke, could you please just give me the key to the restroom?”
  • “He gets out sometimes…he gets out and needs a good slapping.”

Kathy and I were talking about some, ahem, “techniques” I could follow to produce some “inspirational” artwork and we came up with the following:

  • Bad sunset pictures-anything hand-held with a very crooked horizon (Kathy suggested that I could actually “fix” this in Photoshop, while I claimed that, no, it would actually be more like using Photoshop to “break” something. Either way, that rotate, level, and trim stuff could come in handy here.)
  • Pictures of my car. Pictures of my neighbor’s car. Pictures of my father’s car. Really bad pictures of cars with half of the headlights chopped out (I take really bad car photos anyway. This one would not be too much of a stretch for me.)
  • Any photos of food-especially at TGI Friday’s or the Olive Garden. Handheld, with flash, and like half a broccoli (and, maybe, like a third of a salad or a breadstick.) I would get extra “points” in my score if I included any waiter’s legs (but not heads. Deduct points for any heads at all. In any of the pictures.)
  • Pictures of my dog-but not good ones. Pictures of my neighbors cats (3 houses away) taken from my front door (yes, from 3 houses away. Without a zoom. “See the dot? That’s ma neighbor’s cat!”)

If you’ve got any additional suggestions, please do email them my way. (And, I’ll be sure to post some of the resulting funny comments as they roll in.)

Believe me when I say this, and I don’t say it often but, like, this little “pet” project now bears the motto: “oh now, this could get fun.”

Until next time…


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