All Your Devices Are Belong to Us

All Your Devices are Belong to Us

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, when she said something along the lines of, “he’s jealous of me because all of my devices are working.”

Eons ago, in the land before time perhaps, people were considered sexy if they had a full set of teeth. (This is true, really it is.) Once heavy people were considered sexy because, well, people foolishly thought that being overweight was an indication that you could actually afford to eat. Food was a luxury item back then. Remember all those classical paintings? The “fair maiden” was actually a heavyset “fair maiden,” that’s just how we viewed sexy back then.

Then, it became sexy if you bathed regularly. After that, it was exercise and fitness. Have a tight body? Doesn’t matter what your face looks like, welcome to the land of the sexpot.

Now we’re in the digital age. Everything is electronic. Somebody is considered sexy if they have 900 electronic devices-including uber cool laptops, G5 towers, new Dell servers, digital mini Camcorders, digital cameras, Tivos, iPods, GPS locators, and various other assorted crap-and they can get them all to work. If you can get all of your devices to work, at the same time, without running out of electricity, blowing up your router, having to reboot anything shy of four thousand times, or having to spend every waking minute pouring over technical manuals (which, it goes without saying, were written by the Evil Baked Goods People) then, my friend, damn, you’re sexy. By today’s standards, you’re a walking Viagra tablet with feet, you’re cooler than Kelvin, you’re qualified to call up Brad Pitt and ask him what “ugly” feels like, you’re…well, you get the idea.

It’s the new way to be so “it” right now. Get more devices, make them work, and force yourself to fend off all the drooling geeks with a stick. A really, really big stick but, perhaps, one that’s electronic. (Got Taser?)

Until next time…


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