Mail Order Fatigue

Mail Order Fatigue

My shopping list, after attending the photo weekend, has grown so long, detailed, and intensive that I feel like I’ve come down with a case of mail order fatigue.

Every day, I get home, turn on the computer, track the packages that are in route to my house, check sites like cnet, mysimon, and for info and pricing on some of the stuff I haven’t ordered yet, fight with the navigation and forms on the el-cheap-o sites, enter random personal info, and hope for the bargains to arrive in less than a year or so.

It’s a vicious cycle. Sometimes, you have to buy things before you can buy other things. Sometimes, you have to keep notes about what you bought, so that you don’t get something that’s incompatible with the something the nice UPS man hasn’t even delivered yet. I believe the post office now knows my name and where I live, the FedEx guy wants to kill me, and the UPS man is officially bow-legged.

You’ve heard that joke about bow-legged man and the little boy right?

So, this kid’s walking through the mall with his parents and he happens

upon a man who’s bow-legged. “Look at that poor bow-legged bastard,” the boy says. Shocked, his parents resolve to send him to boarding school, so they can provide a better education for there daemon spawn potty-mouthed child.

After a few months of study, he comes back for Christmas break. He’s got

good marks in school, well versed in the arts, and has even taken to quoting

Shakespeare. Boarding school appears to have done him good.

He’s in the mall with his parents over break when he happens upon the same bow-legged man. Turning to his parents, he says, “Hark! What sort of men are these? With testicles in parenthesis…”

Gnuck, gnuck, gnuck, gnuck, gnuck. You weren’t expecting it to actually be funny, were you?

Until next time…


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