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Extremely Narly Longboards

Today’s wardrobe item of choice is a blue-ishly colored T-shirt from Hawaii with this moniker scribbled upon it. I don’t know exactly what it means but, having a degree in communications allows me to make an educated guess. So, giving you the benefits of my education,

“Extremely Narly Longboards for Extreme Pipe Riding”

probably has something to do with surfing, catching a big wave, “hanging 10” or some such thing.

Speaking of education, I was talking with Ken yesterday and he sent me a link to a resume that had me laughing so hard, I almost fell out of my chair. Seems some guy he used to work with had a few “gems” on his, and I just couldn’t contain myself. Maybe I was in a laughing mood, maybe it just struck me as funny, or maybe the guy is that big of a doofus. You be the judge.

Buried between the “I went to Princeton, didn’t get a degree, but am putting it on my resume anyway, ‘Princeton University Coursework in European history'” and the proud display of having taken a Powerpoint workshop as recently as 2002, was this little gem:

Intern – Washington, D.C. Correspondence, research, elevator operator.

Ah, so that was Monica’s official title and, yes, you read it here first. Somebody actually put this on a techie resume. (ELEVATOR OPERATOR! Elevator operator? As in, I pushed a button so some dumb-ass in DC could get to the top floor.)

I’ve finally figured out what my problem is. I’m competent, I hold a master’s degree in computer science (apart from the aforementioned degree in communications) and I have about 16 years of experience working as a coder, designer, software architect, and margarita chef. My life would be so complete if only I could put elevator operator somewhere on my resume. Sigh.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Official Clarkson motto is “a workman that needth not to be ashamed” and I’m not one to pass judgement on any given profession, trade, skill, or the like. I’m not waging war or officially even “making fun of” elevator operators. But, for crying out loud, if you have over 10 years experience in a technology why on God’s Earth would you highlight the fact that you started out life as an elevator operator? Is that really going to make a difference on your next gig? Are you trying to go for some “my thumbs are more nimble than yours” type of award of which I am not even aware? Geesh. Get a life. Get a clue. Get real. Nobody gives a crap that you were a kiss-up in Washington, you don’t have a real degree and Powerpoint doesn’t require it’s own month long workshop to master. You’ve unimpressed me so much, I wouldn’t even allow you to type my letters to Santa, Mr. Doofus. Put down that mouse and back away from that spreadsheet before I get violent.

But then, what do I know. I’ve never been an elevator operator. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe it’s just the type of narly experience I need to kick my career into the stratosphere. Maybe I shouldn’t have wasted my time at Clarkson and BU but should instead ventured into the world of BIG button pushing. “Going up?”

Ok, maybe not. Sheet man, I’d tell the fat cats to take the damn stairs and get on with it already.

Until next time…

PS Our local presidential candidate, Charlie, is busy today getting his hair done. Yes, it’s true, he’s at the dog groomers. If he’s running for prez, he’s gotta have a surpreme do. And he’ll want a cute little poodle to push all the right buttons on his elevator, I’m sure.

Gosh, I hope they don’t stick any bows in him. Or give him one of those dorky bandanas. Dude, that would be extremely narly.


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