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Senate Smenate, I Know What You Did Last Winter

Today’s top story on cnn.com is headlined, “Senate Panels to Investigate Iraq Abuse Allegations.” Oh what fun I’m going to have with this little gem.

Let’s see if I have this straight. A bunch of senators, ahem, “esteemed” elected officials (these are the same folks who brought us Watergate, the great bouncing check scandal, Mr. Kennedy in charge of the “ethics” committee, the $200 haircuts, $900 toilet seats, etc.) are now going to sit back and pass judgement upon a bunch of soldiers guarding a prision filled to the brim with prisions who lack any jurisdiction whatsoever in our criminal justice system. It’s so comical I hardly know where to begin. We invaded the wrong country, overthrew a (granted) tyrinacal dictator, captured thousands of “insurgients” who are now being held in prisions without the benefit of a trial, by soldiers armed with the latest in high-tech gadgetry. And, if this weren’t enough, we’re now going to get the Senate involved because, afterall, we know how righteous and upright they all are.

Oh yeah, I can almost smell them coming and they are just going swoop down, step into Iraq and fix all that’s wrong in the world because, heck, that’s just the kind of folks they are. It’s like a bunch of bafoons running a petting zoo filled with alligators and somebody’s complaining that the waters a tad too cool for an afternoon swim. It all reminds me a bit too much of the Beverly Hillbillies, it even has the fight over the oil rights. Only thing missing is maybe one of Ted’s ceiling dancers. Oh, and it’d be really great if we could throw in a bit of Fidel for good measure. Maybe Fidel can, in the movie version, barter with human suffragettes who all look like Cindy Crawford or something (while Ted hides in the trunk of the Caddy with fins drooling over them and offering them choice viewing rights in front of his shorted out large screened TV.)

I hate to be the one to tell the Senators that war is ugly. I hate to be the one to tell the great government how they should stop spending my hard-earned tax dollars invading the wrong country and go after that damned Usama Bin Butthead. I hate to be the one to tell them that I really don’t give a rat’s behind about what our soldiers are doing in prision or about how we might “hurt Arab sentiment” (frankly, I hope all Arabs hate and fear me.) I enjoy being one to tell them that I am, in fact, registered to vote and that is the only possible glimmer of hope in this entire situation (I can still vote.)

In other news, Ken tells me that Ted is, in fact, MIA. Maybe he ran off, joined corporate America, and is secretly cornering the vending machine market in Iraq while working a side gig for Haliburton and driving a truck? Stranger things have happened. But, with my luck, it’s safe to say Ted’s probably safe and sound and way too close for comfort. Hey, Ted, if you are reading this, go punch an insurgient. I hear it’s fun.

Until next time, this is Carol, the Carol in “Carol’s Little World” signing off.

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