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My True Identity

Many folks have been pestering me recently (again?) as to why I will not reveal HIS true identity. “It’s been some time, since you’ve last blogged about HIM,” one reader writes me in a recent email, “When are you going to reveal HIM?” I take objection to this kind of response. I mean, in some ways, I already have.

You already know a great deal about HIM. You know that we’re not currently dating (nor ever have). You know he has sandy hair, is tall and dresses sort of “preppy” although he has a confirmed wild side. You know HE likes snowboarding, backgammon, and chess. You know HE’s a photographer with his own darkroom. You know HE wears leater jackets and despises the game of golf. HE’s a closet environmentalist and a world traveler. Must you really know his name? How much more do I really have to give-up? And isn’t a name really just a tag we give ourselves in an attempt at establishing an identity of our own?

Sometimes the essence of the fantasy is better than the actualization of reality. Sometimes it’s better to keep the dream alive in your imagination rather than dealing with the harshness and possibility that it may one day fade or die. Sometimes it’s better to leave a little under the covers; to keep ’em guessing, as they say, rather than to reveal all upfront. This is one of those times.

Several of you have posted asking what would happen if HE stumbled upon my blog, as if to speculate this is the reason why I won’t reveal anymore than I “have to.” I reveal all about HIM that I feel is relevant. I’m not pretending to post a “hidden” web log or write anything that contains a secret hidden adgenda. One of the little rules I follow in creating and maintaining this web log is that it will always be somewhat true and that I post what I feel like when I feel like posting it. I’ve never really thought about sharing it with HIM, although I certainly wouldn’t be hurt or ashamed if HE happened upon it. I could imagine the two of us, sitting in a little internet cafe, somewhere in the wilds of Mexico, laughing at some of my prior posts. If you think HE would take offense to any of this, or that HE would even take it all too seriously, well, you don’t know HIM as well as you should. I suppose I take blame for this. The one unexpected result of continuing this web log is the fact that HE exists to you only through my eyes. If I’ve painted him with an incorrect brush, or protrayed him in an unfavorable light, for this and this alone, I am sorry.

One of my friends, Ken, insists on pestering me to find HIS identity. I’ve told Ken, several times, “but you don’t even know HIM. What do you want to know HIS name?” His response is always the same, “I just do.” I suppose, in that sense, we all just want to. But, I can say this to Ken….if you were to meet him….if you were to sit down for three hours, have dinner and “chat” the end result probably would not stack up to your imagination. No matter what you think of HIM, the reality of it is that HE wouldn’t be like “that.” It would never stack up to all the fun you’ve had laughing at my blog or all the conversations we’ve had where we discussed HIM and why I won’t tell you HIS name. And so, in the spirit of not ruining your fun, I shall maintain the secret of HIS identity. But I will say, after having read my blogger, you must admit, you do know a lot more about MY true identity. And that, if anything, is the secret “little truth” contained inside of Carol’s Little World.

Until next time, this is Carol, the Carol in “Carol’s Little World” signing off.


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