A Bear Crawl with the Most Formidable Twister Opponent Ever

Beautiful swirls of tall grass with golden highlights and a lush green base, taken outside of Rugby, North Dakota

In the “everything seemingly is spinning out of control” department (you knew it had to relate to the picture, right?) I have started exercising. Not just exercising, mind you. I’ve done that before but with, shall we say, mixed results. This time though, I mean it. I’m doing it with a bit of gusto and it’s all but frightening if I’m being honest (and you know I’m being honest. After all, what else would I be?)

You see, it all started back when I booked my trip to China. I thought I would get more out of the trip if I could walk more (turns out I was right about that, but I still should have done even more to prepare myself for it.) So I started riding my dreaded exercise bike. Now, I’ve secretly always been a fan of exercise bikes. Yes, I know, that’s not a popular thing to say, apologies if it gets me kicked out of whatever “in” crowd I might have been in before, but there I said it. I actually do not mind riding an exercise bike. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I can reveal that I started riding my bike back in what was probably last May. It was an old bike with a broken pedal but I managed to somehow ride it anyway. Unfortunately for me, it also started getting worse for wear. It was literally starting to fall apart so, sometime around July maybe, I got a new bike. It’s actually quite a nice little bike, I recommend it if you are so inclined. (Here’s a link on Amazon if you really want to go there. And, frankly, I know you don’t really want to go there but I’m giving you the link anyway. It’s for your own good. While I have your attention, “eat your peas. They’re good for you!”) So, new bike and me have been simpatico since about that time. I’ve been riding four times a week or so, actually now it’s more like 6 or 7 times a week. Yes, I realize that’s almost every day, but there you have it.

Last August I also got a Fitbit device, because I thought it could help me get into shape. I got one that has nice little reminders to help you get up and move, and also monitors your sleep since I know I have a problem with the sleeping business (I’m a chronic insomniac. Trust me. I’ve been diagnosed. And, yes, I do know exercise helps.) So I started doing Fitbit and also riding the bike. In case you haven’t been following along, all of this exercise is now just about killing me. In the span of a short time, I’ve gone from complete couch potato to a Fitbit crazy exercise bike riding maniac. Don’t say I didn’t warn you (well, I didn’t, but now I am.)

Fitbit, it would appear, also has these “community” features, where you can hook up with (no, not that kind of hook up. Geesh!) other Fitbit users, take challenges, compare notes, and the like. There’s even a vegetarian/vegan cooking group in there. It’s quite a, shall we say, “deep” little app. So, I joined one of these groups called 50+ pounds which, as the name might imply, is for people who have lost or want to lose 50+ pounds. (No, I haven’t lost that much weight but I thought I might find inspiration in the group.) As it turns out, one of the other users in the 50+ group posted a challenge. It was based upon your name. You were supposed to take all of the letters in your name and use it in conjunction with this little chart. For example, my first name starts with the letter “C” so, if you look up the letter “C” it might say something like “Do 10 push ups.” That sort of a thing. As I was reading the chart, I noticed there were some exercises I had not heard about before-some unfamiliar exercises. There was something called a “bear crawl.” (I swear I am not making this up.)

As part of this entire new health conscious Carol business, I had also started following some of the Navy SEALs. It turns out (who knew?) you have to be in very good shape to become a Navy SEAL. Like they can all probably do more than ten minutes on a rickety exercise bike type of good shape. Seriously. So, one of the Navy SEAL guys started talking about doing something called a “burpee.” No, this is not a new form of, ahem, “passing gas.” It’s actually a type of exercise. I had tried doing one once, after reading his Twitter about “burpees,” but I managed to start laughing so hard, instead of doing a burpee, why, I just sort of fell over onto my carpet from laughing so hard. A form of exercise, yes, but, going out on a limb and guessing here, not quite what the Navy SEALs had in mind in order to stay in such good shape.

There you have it. This is my new world. Bear crawls and burpees. Only I still didn’t know what exactly a “bear crawl” was so I decided to take to the Internets to try to figure out this one. I’m half sorry but completely entertained now that I’ve done so. You see, I’ve happened upon this video that I can only describe as…well, frankly, I don’t even know how to describe it. It features this man with sort of rubber legs doing 10 different animal walks. When I say animal “walks” I’m being very generous here. Some of these “walks” you see….well, let’s just say, never (and I do mean never!) play Twister with this man. It just won’t end well, OK. You can follow the link here if you really want to find the most formidable Twister opponent in the world. At least now I can say I know what a “bear crawl” is, right? Not to mention I’ve learned not to mess with Mr. Badass Twister Dude.

This entire “bear crawl” thing has me thinking though. I mean, who would want to work out like a bear? Aren’t bears fat? They are not known the world over as small dainty animals, are they? Who wants to walk around like a fat blubbery animal and how is this exercise really? Wouldn’t a bear crawl just amount to waddling through the woods frequently stopping to plunk one’s fat bottom down on a log somewhere, resting so one could suck up some honey and a salmon? Does that sound like fitness to you? Because it sure doesn’t to me. Why aren’t we doing “gazelle crawls” or some other such thing? Pick a skinny animal already! Then again, I’d hate to bear witness (excuse the pun!) to the Badass Twister Dude walking around like a gazelle. That might dislocate something. I can only begin to imagine what that might look like and, frankly, it hurts my back just thinking about it.

Bear crawls and burpees. Carol’s Little World is now such an odd place. Have some twisted grass while we’re at it. I hope you find your fitness routines to be as fun as this or, at least, you know, you’ve thought about playing some Twister once again. (Just don’t play with that animal walking dude from the video and you should be all set.)

Until next time…

PS This one from Dakota. Tall grass spinning, from the Canon 5DS with the walkabout lens and a bit of motion blur. Bet you didn’t know it was snowing when I took this but it was.

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