Llama Drama Ding Dong

Portrait of a llama or maybe an alpaca

Happy Llama Friday! No, this is not an official holiday, rather one I have just declared, for today the lonely life of the llama played an integral role in shaping my humor for the afternoon. Allow me to explain.

As you might recall, this past summer I had some work done on the house-renovations as it were. Part of that work was having the house painted. In an effort to spruce things up, one of the things I noticed was that my doormat was getting kind of, shall we say, ragged looking. After the painters were in I also noticed that they had splattered some white paint over my once dark doormat. It was kind of, shall we say, ruined. Shortly afterwards, once the renovations were done, Mom got a bit sick and so I have not been doing my usual shopping at the home stores and places like this. Not to worry as a doormat was not an imperative purchase, I just brushed it off and moved on, onward and upward to bigger and better things. As luck would have it, while I was browsing the Internets this past week, I happened upon a site that was selling, you guessed it, doormats. Now, they had one in particular that I liked so I thought, heck, why not right? I mean, after all, I do need a new one now, don’t I? Yes, so I purchased a doormat online.

Now, the place I purchased said doormat from is actually somewhat reputable. They even have a brick and mortar store relatively close by, I just couldn’t stand the traffic, crowds, and the like, so the online thing seemed like a really good idea at the time. It was a cute doormat too, kind of a turquoise-y/teal type color with a design of a llama on it. (You knew llamas had to factor into this somehow, didn’t you?) All well and good. Said llama is now racing towards me at the speed of Internet delivery which, on the whole, really isn’t all that fast but like bear with me here. It gets funny after this, I promise.

Seeing as the place is a reputable outfit and all, I got an email notification that my dear llama was on his way to me. Oh joy! Here comes my doormat. They shipped the package UPS and indicated that I might have to sign for it. I pondered this for a minute when it dawned on me that, yes, I was actually going to have to sign for a package which came in a box that I would subsequently unwrap and leave on the front porch unattended permanently. Isn’t irony grand? If that were not bad enough, I got a notice today too that there are a band of package thieves in my area, going around ripping packages off people’s front porches and the like. Package thieves? In my neighborhood? Why, my poor utterly helpless llama. What’s a girl to do?

So now I sit in waiting, hoping the package makes it through, wondering what I would do should I encounter the dreaded package kidnappers. I mean, imagine that surprise? They would stalk and steak out their prey, do the dastardly deed, run off with my treasured doormat, jaunting off thinking they got some high quality package, you know, something like a stereo component or maybe some computer gear or the like, only to go home and discover they successfully stole a doormat. Imagine the frustration on their part after that. Ha! Not to mention I started having visions of catching them in the act. I mean, what would I do? Run out of the house in my pink fluffy slippers yelling at the top of my lungs, “Stop! Put my llama down! You are not welcome here! You bastards!” I imagine that would go over oh so well with the neighbors who as it is now can barely stomach the odd artist on the block, let alone witness her turn completely bat poop crazy chasing an imaginary llama in her pajamas down the street into the cul-de-sac. Thin mint, anyone?

Now, I realize I’m probably being overly dramatic and that the llama is probably going to arrive just fine, heck, I possibly won’t even have to sign for it and all will be well in the universe again. I mean, that could happen too, couldn’t it? A girl can hope, yes? Here’s hoping I wind up with more llama and less drama in my life because, frankly, we could all use a little more of that, couldn’t we? Unless, of course, you’re a llama in which case I apologize profoundly and offer up a welcoming spot comfy and tidy on my front porch.

I guess if there were to be a morale to this story, I’d have to confess to offering up the following advice. Don’t buy a doormat online. It will make your head explode.

Until next time…

PS This one from the archives. Taken with the Canon Rebel XT and a 100mm lens I believe. Not really sure about the American dromedary either, as this could be a llama, an alpaca, or perhaps what is behind door number three (AKA your guess is as good as mine, probably better in fact.) I do recall a story behind this image though. I was on a trek down to Texas wine making country, traveling with a friend, Marlene. We had stopped along the way to checkout what we thought were horses. Turned out to be our little friend you see pictured here. As I kept inching closer and closer, Marlene hesitated saying, “You are so going to get spit on!” Turns out we never did find out if horses were nearby and I did manage to avoid the llama loogie so luck was on our side that day. Let’s hope my luck with llamas holds at least until the doormat shows, right?

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