Jazz Funerals for One and All

Abstract of Jazz Funeral store in the French Quarter, New Orleans, Louisana.
Jazz Funeral, originally uploaded by carolsLittleWorld.

Ah what fresh little Hells we have going on all around us these days. It’s just like an entire universe of broken being propped up by the buggy while the poorly designed join us for lunch. *Sigh*

For starters, Flickr broke their trusty ole’ uploader tool. Ah, yes, how fun. For a while there, I could no longer upload any images into the great Flickrness at all, now it’s just sort of broken in all kinds of weird ways (you didn’t really want that tag now, did you? Awwwe…too bad!) What’s up with this? I mean, the Flickr uploader has been working, sound and true, since I first joined Flickr and that was back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (“circa 2005!” or so you can tell your friends. Think do do birds and you are close, right?) Wow! Who knew it could even break let alone get so Borked people are now even afraid to mention its name in mixed company. (“Have you heard about the Flickr uploa….so, how about them Mets!”)

Adobe is coming out with Photoshop 6 and, for all we know, that actually works, though it might be hard to tell, what with everything else being broken. Hey, did you see the giant Zipper that’s passing for Google today? Oh that things broke in all kind of new innovative ways but then, I would expect nothing less from the likes of the Google’s. (Don’t click on the Zipper. For the love of God, money, and great American muscle cars build before 1972, don’t click on the zipper. Oh! Damn! You clicked. So sorry….so very, very sorry to hear that.)

What time is it? Oh, that’s right! It’s almost time for Facebook to TIMELINE ME. You finks! You utter finks! What fresh little Hells have you bestowed upon the likes of me today? Oh the horror! If I wanted your crappy Timeline, heck, I might have asked for it. Didn’t your mama tell you it was rude to not only put your feet up on the table but to bestow you fresh Hell-like gifts unto others? Spreading Timeline is akin to spreading warts. You suck, you really do suck, Facebook people of the world (and, yes, you heard it from me!)

I’ve always said that, when I die, I want a jazz funeral. I want them to have a party, an actual party with elephants, dancers, and face painting for the kids. I don’t want people to be sad I’m gone, no I want them to be happy I was once ever here. Of course, days like today make this rather difficult. Instead of my jazz funeral, I want to crawl under a rock.

I wonder if, on the day an outfit like Flickr or Google goes down if anybody would notice? Have you ever thought about how these might die? Go quietly in the night, wilt slowly maybe or go out in a great, big BANG? Yahoo! is slowly making the creep towards the end, but I still think it’s going to be a ways. Yes, sometimes I think we’re stuck with this kind of stuff for a while, like it or not (and, on days like today, it’s not, believe me, it’s NOT!)

In this day and age, I have to stop and think, I actually have to stop and think, about how separated we really are from our technology. I mean, the most intimate connections we get are all in the form of network bandwidth, right? This makes for an interesting life, maybe, a complicated one, perhaps, but it also makes me wonder about my jazz funeral. Will there be anybody left to even play the music once I’m gone? Or perhaps I am destined to one day become but a channel on something like Pandora? Makes me wonder sometimes.

Technology, especially the technology I use to bring all of this to you, the web, the blog, the Facebook pages, Flickr, Google, and the like is fantastic. It does a lot for us, it does so much that sometimes I wonder if it’s really doing too much. If it’s even possible for it to do too much. Do we really rely upon this stuff so much that we aren’t living our lives to the fullest? Makes one stop and wonder, doesn’t it?

There was something in my local newspaper the other day about how people have been so busy taking pictures that they don’t actually do anything. They spend the entire time they are at concerts, for example, holding up their iPhones and trying to record, that they forget to actually listen to the music.

I hope they play some real music at my jazz funeral. I hope they not only play it but that people put down their iPhones long enough to actually listen to it, don’t you? I mean, I love my iPhone as much as the next guy but I like to think I know when to put it down too.

The thing about a jazz funeral is that it’s an experience to be shared, to be remembered, to be lived. That’s what makes it so lively. It’s life itself and who doesn’t love life, right? I do sometimes wonder what happens if you Google “jazz funeral” but then, at the end of the line, I don’t really want to find out.

Nah, you can keep that one. I’m enjoying my music and dancing in the street while I still have the chance. Suck it, technology, I’m determined to get out and play in spite of your best attempts at thwarting me. Oh, and it goes without saying really, but anybody who is so-inclined, anybody who wants to dance out in the street with me is more than welcome. Just please leave your iPhones at home, OK?

Until next time…


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