Remember those old jokes, “you might be redneck if…” and then they would say something funny? I thought it might be fun to do some East Austin Studio Tour (EAST) jokes, since every artist I know in Austin is going crazy going EAST. So, with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, here are my top 10 EAST artist jokes.
You might be an artist participating in the EAST tour this year if:
10. Your “Wet Paint” sign has wet paint on it.
9. You accidentally painted your pet dog/cat/ferret/goldfish/mongoose and are now wondering what to list on the label as “media.” (Note: apologies to Debbie Buie for this one.)
8. You happily introduce yourself to random people on the street by saying, “Hi! I’m number 32 on the tour!” while forgetting to give your real name or even telling them you are an artist.
7. You think the term “wardrobe malfunction” refers to the fact that you now own more (otherwise clean) t-shirts with paint stains on them then you own actual t-shirts. (“Now, who did I borrow this shirt from again….?”)
6. You find yourself quietly whispering the phrase, “Pssst. I have the good stuff. I got one right here!” while “revealing” a small private ultra-secret stash of EAST catalogs that you’re only willing to share with close friends and relatives you actually like. (Your crazy Aunt Edna doesn’t get one this year!)
5. You have Jerry’s Artarama on speed dial.
4. All of the paint, varnish, turpentine, coffee, tea, wood stain, etc. at your nearest Hobby Lobby/Michael’s/Home Depot/Lowe’s/grocery store/etc. has long since run out of stock. You know the dates and times all of these places get their inventory trucks in. You’ve actually considered flirting with the stock clerks to speed this process.
3. You don’t bother with brush cleaner, you just paint another one and keep your brushes wet all day long. (You’ve also seriously considered turning your drop cloth into painting number 16 for the day.)
2. You have exhausted all framing supplies in your studio and are now secretly raiding your neighbor’s fireplace log pile late at night searching for anything resembling suitable lumber for framing materials. (Note to self: watch our for the neighborhood raccoon.)
And finally, the number 1 way you know you might be an artist on the East Austin Studio Tour this year:
1. You have already attended more “preview parties” than there are stops on the tour this year.
Happy EAST weekend everybody! I’ll see you on the tour.
Until next time…