The King of Thrones

Ok, ok, I know the toilet humor is getting a bit much around here, what especially with the latest in “annoying songs I can’t stop singing.” Next time, I’ll try and get addicted to something a bit more socially acceptable, just for you, my snowflakes, ok?

But, since we’re on the subject of, well, butts, toilet humor, and all of that, I thought I should introduce you to my latest in “high-tech-I-must-have-it” gadgets that are just to die for. No, it’s not the latest in iPhone technology (though, I must admit, one of those would be cool to have too) nor is it the latest in what TiVo has to offer. No, my snowflakes, to get at what I want to get at, you’d have to think actually a bit lower. (Hey, it may be on the down low, but it’s right up there in high-tech fancy integrated features.)

I present to you, my snowflakes, the latest in drool over high-tech items I must own before I die, it’s none other than king of all things toilet: the Toto NeoRest.

Now, now, I know it’s hard to get excited about a toilet, what with this being “toilet humor” and all, but I must tell you, snowflakes, this is no ordinary toilet. No, snowflakes, from the brochure, it’s features include a lid that actually senses you coming and automatically raises and lowers, an integrated washlet system that not only heats the seat to your desired temperature but features an integrated bidet system that flushes you with warm water and air when you are finished, and a host of other features. I think you can even get this thing with an integrated reading lamp and magazine holder, though, personally, I’d much rather have a bidet. (I don’t know what it is about American toilets and the whole “American toilet washing system” but it seems almost a conspiracy to me. I mean, Europeans have their bidets, why shouldn’t we, the great cheeseburger munchers of the world, be just as fresh in the toilet department? Why are bidets reserved for the likes of the French, who really don’t bathe on a regular basis anyway? What? They get to have their bottoms clean while the rest of them stink to high Heavens but we don’t have like ginormous American-sized bidets to “freshen up” after we go? Go figure.)

All of this doesn’t come cheap, however, as the list price is about $5500 in the US. Still, even at 6G’s, man, that’s a lotta throne for the money.

Until next flush…


1 Comment

  1. CraftyGuy
    August 13, 2008 / 4:41 pm

    Wow… April freshness goes high-tech…

    Now, ya gotta watch out for those bidets if the water isn’t heated to the right temperature. I think part of that whole French thing can be blamed on an icy bidet spray…

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