Can I Get a “Woof Woof” for Just an Ordinary Be-Atch

Can I Get a “Woof Woof” for Just an Ordinary Be-Atch

When I spoke of HP, I had no idea that a bitch named Carlee would become center of the universe all week long. Yes, it’s true, I watched a bit of the Westminster Kennel Club’s Dog Show yesterday. I saw part of the Hound group and the final “Best in Show” award. Some kind of a pointer named Carlee took the golden cup and top ribbon this year. (Not to be confused with Ms. Fiorina, the former, ahem, “esteemed” leader of HP, who is a be-atch in her own right, but didn’t complete in any dog shows, or win any ribbons, as far as we know, yesterday.)

Funny thing about dog shows. They parade these perfect animals around on stage, making everybody want to run out and get some odd breed that nobody has heard of, like a Portuguese Water Dog, or they see the most perfect German Shepard or Golden Retriever, run out to the pet store, only to find “the ordinary.” Most dogs don’t look anything like the ones you see on TV. Most dogs, instead of parading around in a ring in Madison Square Garden, fight you for the best seat on the couch, take up more than half the bed, and kind of smell funny, even on a good day. Sometimes, they like to drool or pass wind in mixed company and they always seem to have exceptionally dirty feet and like to chew on things most humans wouldn’t put in their mouths. Given all of that, it can still be said that Dogs Rule. There’s something so special about a dog. They really are man’s best friend, in little fur coats, with wagging tails, and bright eyes that are always so happy to see you.

David Ducovney, of former X Files fame, is now doing voice overs for commercials like Pedigree. He does that commercial that starts out, “We’re for dogs…” Listen to it, I bet you’ll recognize his voice. Funny thing about dogs and people, even the most uncivilized brute of a man, the most evil dictator in the world, the most hardcore criminal, turns into mush when playing with a puppy. I bet Hitler had a cute little puppy, he loved dearly, took for regular walks, and played with all the time. All Hiele the little woofers, I guess.

And, in keeping with the X Files theme, if Cannasta playing aliens ever were to land on my front lawn, I bet they’d take a liking to Charlie as soon as they stepped their little green feet off of their mother ship.

Until next time…


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