Hurray! Things I Just Don’t Know

Hurray! Things I Just Don’t Know

Today is Friday. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “She actually knows what day of the week it is, there’s hope!” Actually, I’m thinking I kind of feel like that Jamaican guy from the beer commercials. I’ve been walking around all morning thinking to myself, “Hurray Beer!” That and, “I’m only really certain what day of the week it is on Fridays. And that’s alternate Fridays at best.”

For some reason, I want a beer today. I don’t just want a beer. I really, really, really, really, want a beer. Most of the times, I can take it or leave it when it comes to beer. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like a good cold one on a hot summers’ day, like any normal red blooded American pop tart. But, today, for some strange reason, I have this huge hankering for a beer. I’m sitting here looking at my coffee (fresh from the $10,000 latte machine. Yes, it really is that good) feeling guilty because I’m fantasizing about beer. Yes, I know, I have weird fantasies. Leave me alone. If you were nice, in fact, you would not only leave me alone, but you’d leave me alone long enough for me to finish my coffee and go get a beer. Hurray Beer!

I feel particularly weird today, because it’s Friday and I don’t have to go to Fry’s. Why is it that I always seem to need oddly sized batteries, a certain DVD I’ve been wanted for ages, an RCA connector, and a new blender all at the same time? And why, oh why, does this said same time always seem to fall upon a Friday? I mean, I couldn’t possibly really need any of those items on a Friday, except for maybe the blender and even that’s debatable. (And only on alternate Fridays. Quite possibly, the same alternate Fridays I don’t remember.)

On the topic of things I just don’t know, why do chimney sweeps wear top hats? Is it because of Mary Poppins? Or something else? Why do so many geeks like me go to Fry’s on Friday? Who’s playing at this year’s South by Southwest? What do they put in beer that makes it so addictive? (besides vitamin P) Why did my damned Tivo suddenly stop working last night? Can I shove that damned happy little Thumbs-up icon up it’s ass? (Don’t answer that, Steve.) Could a voodoo doll really work? (ditto) What about a Ouija board? (Ok, you can take this one.) When the aliens land on my front lawn and come down off their mother ship, why do they ask to play canasta? What exactly do they have against pinnacle?

Well, I can say one thing for certain. I don’t know a lot of things, but I do know I’ll be getting a beer sometime today. And, no, I don’t need a trip to Fry’s, a battery, a DVD, an RCA connector, a blender, a mother ship, a voodoo doll, or a top hat to do it.

Now, where’s that damned bottle opener…

Until next time…Hurray!


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