Untitled Post

It’s a Big House for You!

I burnt my lunch today. I had one of those microwave lunches. Put the damned thing in the nuker, and started shooting pool. The box was really explicit saying, “don’t heat on full power. Cook at 50% only.” I double-checked the nuker and thought I had it on medium, but it burnt everthing extra crispy. So I tossed it in the trash and decided I would blow work early, work from home this afternoon, and stop at the grocery store on the way home to get stuff to eat (as luck would have it, that was my last frozen dinner and I was without lunch, after having skipped dinner last night and breakfast this morning. Yes, I was really wanting some of that foodstuff we take for granted.)

Turns out my luck wasn’t nearly as bad as the next guys. As I’m pulling into my local H-E-B (Texan for “grocey store,”) I see a cop car by the sidewalk (parked in the fire lane, of course, as the current motto is “to protect and serve” and so current logic dictates they must protect us from those big, bad fire trucks should one happen along.) As I’m pulling into my parking place which was surprisingly right by the door, I see a fellow running out with several Cedar Park police officers following in what I would have to call the closest to “hot pursuit” Cedar Park ever gets. Yes, it’s true. Some poor chap got chased out of the grocers over in the ritzy new H-E-B near the Avery Ranch subdivision. Doubtful the golfers will ever know the difference.

After I did my shopping and got way more than I originally went in for, as I was walking out towards the parking lot, I saw the same aformentioned poor chap sitting on the ground in handcuffs while several police officers (which is Texas for “doughnut eaters”) straddled him with guns drawn.

Now, for those of you on the slow and narrow, please allow me to summarize this story. Here’s my take on tomorrow’s headline for the Hill Country Gazzette:


They question him for more than ten minutes, probably release him, and let him be on his merry way. You do know what this means, don’t you?

He’s either a serial killer or an H-E-B employee who took too long on break. What? I mean, you didn’t think he stole the cherries right by the door, or just like walked out without paying, did you?

Michael Moore’s watching the White House, EMS workers in NYC routinely beat people, the recent Cedar Park crime wave ended in a foot pursuit, and some internationally-wanted terrorist surrended in a wheelchair.

I feel safer already.

Until next time…


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *