Top 10 Things You Can Do If You're So Bored You've Come Here for Entertainment

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In the “I should know better but how else would we all be entertained” department, I read the news today. Oh boy!

Here are my top 10 things you can do if you’re so bored you’ve come here seeking entertainment:

Number 10-Claim you are Mugabe’s nearest living relative and stage a coup in Zimbabwe. If anybody catches you, site the Ambassador of Nigeria had personally selected you to stage this coup. Not only that, he’s also wiring your internet bank 10 million dollars. Extra points if you can add, with a straight face, “Just you wait and see!”

Number 9-Launch your own Gaza air strike using rubber bands and paperclips. Do not leave your chair.

Number 8-Smoke Michael Phelp’s Bong. Afterwards, curse all of the endorsement money you have lost.

Number 7-Pass your own stimulus bill. Extra points if you do this without caffeine. Even more points if you do this a la Tom Cruise-jumping up and down on a couch screaming, “I’m rich! I’m rich!”

Number 6-Slap Chris Brown.

Number 5-Sell steroids to unsuspecting A-Rod’s everywhere. When captured claim, “I was under the pressure of a daily blog. I had to do it.”

Number 4-Unveil your own smart phone. Extra points if it’s not extra slim and you used massive quantities of duct tape to make it.

Number 3-Re-invent the electric car. If anyone asks, claim, “yeah, well, I still get better mileage than Al Gore’s limo!”

Number 2-Crash land a Boeing jet into the nearest body of water, get out, and say, “Hey! Where’s *my* damn key to the City?!?!?!”

and, the Number 1 thing you can do if you’re so bored you’ve come here looking for entertainment:

Number 1-Recall massive amounts of jelly to go with the peanut butter you’ve secretly been hoarding. If anyone asks, claim, “yeah, well, the bread’s looking a bit funny too these days, isn’t it?”

Until next time…